Saturday, 15 October 2016

Frank & Jack & Stella

My life began with a shock
a bolt out of the blue

I like a drink or two
'cos I don't know
what else I ought to do

----

Part of me says yes
and part of me says no

Sometimes I get the feeling
and sometimes the feeling grows

----

But when I have a drink

That's when
I think I ought to know

----

Some believe in God
because they're made in His image

But I was made by someone else
just like a bacon sandwich

----

I know I'll meet my maker
'cos I'm just made of meat

That's dead meat on the slab
and odd bits of legs and feet

----

So I've been looking
for that man

They say he has my name

They call him
Doctor Frankenstein

Yes he's the one to blame

----

And when at last I find him

You know
I'll ask him this

Why do I like
to drink so much
and go out on the piss ?

----

Is that really how you made me
with the kiss of life ?

By drinking from the bottle
for a life without a wife ?

----

Or was it just a wind up ?

The turn of a screw
that put me where I am today

That's what I'd like to ask you

----

Why do you make these monsters
who haunt the night time streets ?

Of all your friends I think
there's just two I'd like to meet

----

To go out on the town
sometime would make my life complete

One night with Jack and Stella

Now that would be a treat

----

That's Jack as in Daniels

Jack Daniels I presume

And Stella
he comes with her
when they walk into the room

----

You might ask me why I love them so

But really you should know

They make me smile when I feel sad
and give my face a glow

----

Why don't you
say you're sorry now ?

Why don't you stop to think ?

I go out with Jack and Stella
'cos that's what I like to drink

----

I could tell you all my story
but I don't know where to start

Two shots of Jack or half a pint
of Stella Artois ?

----

Mary Shelley wrote about me
when she put me in her book

You can read all about it
if you want to take a look

----

But no one knows
how it goes

In the end for Frankenstein

Did he stick to beer and bourbon
or just have a glass of wine ?

----

I think you'll know the answer
when you hear us sing this song

'Cos nothing gets you drunker faster
than the drink that is too strong

----

So I went out with Stella
and somehow we made it home

We left old Jack where he was
just drinking on his own

----

My dear says Frank to Stella

Now I get these awful itches

Every time the rain
gets in there underneath my stitches

----

Jack Daniels is the drink for me

He helps me oil my joints

I could try some other brand instead
but really what's the point

----

This bolt that's in my neck you know
it's starting to get rusty

And when I've had too much to drink

I don't think you can trust me

----

Stella says to Frank one day

Come under my umbrella

Don't go out with that other guy
'cos he's a nasty fella

----

Stay with me

I'll keep you dry
in any kind of weather

Don't break your heart

Don't fall apart

Just keep yourself together

----

Frank and Stella are an item now

They're doing very well

They left poor old Jack behind
just sitting on the shelf

----

'Cos when Frank goes out with Stella
he can't think of no one else

He pours her out of her can
and drinks to her good health

----

He'll press his lips to the rim

Pull the ring and give a twist

Then pour the liquid out
and drink it down like this

----

Frank goes out
with Jack sometimes

Now he's out with Stella

I've got a few more
cans back home

So what else can he tell her ?

----

They found a load of body parts
and put me all together

That's why I like to go out now
with good old Jack and Stella

----

You know I am a monster

I'm a man of many parts

If you cut me into pieces
then you'd find a broken heart

----

Doctor JD he's my friend

I know he's on my side

I go out with him
then come back with Mr. Hyde

----

That other doctor told me once
that he'd find me a bride

He never did you see

Indeed that's why
I know he lied

----

So I've been looking
for that man

They say he has my name

They call him
Doctor Frankenstein

Yes he's the one to blame

----

And when at last I find him

You know
I'll ask him this

Why do I like
to drink so much
and go out on the piss ?

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