Granny and the Egg

-1-

Don't try telling Granny
how to suck an egg

All these years she's managed
and she does it very well

She makes a little hole
and then she gives a little pull

Sucking in her cheeks so well
until her mouth is full

She's puffing out her cheeks
and now she's sucking with a will

She'll press her lips around it
till it's just an empty shell


-2-

Don't try telling Granny
how to suck an egg

She'd much prefer it if you learned
to show respect instead

So wait your turn and listen
when she says what must be said

You're far too young to understand
so knock it on the head

Can you appreciate it
when she shows a bit of leg ?

(Or is your) brain soft and runny
like the yolk in Granny's egg ?


-CHORUS-

'Cos Granny likes an egg
when she has a cup of tea

So mind you say your Ps and Qs
and thank you if you please

Yes mind you say excuse me
thank you very much indeed

And now she'll wash that egg
down with a lovely cup of tea


-3-

No don't try telling Granny
'cos she's really very sweet

She'll chew it with her gums
and then she'll stamp her little feet

She'll push and wiggle with her tongue
and rattle her false teeth

She'll make the children giggle
till they bounce right off their seat

She'll hold it tight between her knees
and give that egg a squeeze

So mind you say excuse me
thank you very much indeed


-CHORUS-

(Now we) really mean this most sincerely
if you're thinking she's a tease

Why don't you ask just try asking her
to show you if you please ?

(Yes you) only have to ask her nicely
Please say please and thank you

(Say) please and thank you and excuse me
Thank you very much indeed


-REFRAIN-

Raw or boiled or poached eggs
with salt and pepper too

Fried or scrambled
on some toast

Would you like one or two ?

-

Raw boiled poached
fried scrambled over-easy ... (x3)

-

If you can't see the funny side
she'll take it on the sunny side

Up and down see Granny go ...
she's sucking on an egg

-

Wham bam
Thank you Ma'am

Can she do it ?
Yes she can

She knows how to do it and ...

She'll tell you how you do it
if you want to suck an egg


-CHORUS-

She's tried it with an egg cup
and she's tried it with a spoon

She tried it in the sunlight
and beneath the big fat moon

She tried it in the morning
also in the afternoon

And in the evening when she's done
she falls down in a swoon


-4-

You'll discover soon enough
it's time to end this tune

So don't try telling Granny
'cos she'll tell you what to do

No don't try telling Granny
how to suck an egg

She'll tell you all what for
and then she'll send you off to bed

No don't try telling Granny
how to suck an egg

(She'll be) sucking eggs all day
that's true until the day she's dead