Farewell to the Dame

I'm going to miss the wild applause
and large sums of money

Do you know when I appear before you
on that stage my gynaecologist
is still washing his hands ?

Isn't that a wonderful thought !

Now let me tell you dear listeners
John Humphrys is an adorable man
and he's looking at my frock

Is he thinking who
would look nice in that ?

Well let me tell you
she couldn't afford it

Oh yes I do like to invest in my clothes

My son designed this frock
Isn't it marvellous ?

Do you know he was born
exactly nine months after I saw
Frank Sinatra perform in a concert

And the gutter press are still
trying make something out of that